I had no intention of posting today but I have realized lately that blogging has become so structured for me that I am barely doing what I started the blog to do! Lifestyle is more than pretty pictures; it is about getting real. So today’s post is meant to be a breath of fresh air, honest & from my heart.
It has been a while since I have been single. There was a little time last year when I rekindled with a former love but that didn’t last. I officially became celibate in 2013 after I returned from my conference in Grand Cayman. I was celibate for about 2 years prior to that situation & I have been celibate again since May 2016 (I know TMI).
My decision to be celibate was in my best interest because I had found myself investing time in men who had no desire to go any further with me than being a long term girlfriend or a f*@k buddy with a title. I had been with 3 men who chose to marry other women (who they dated for less time) after being in a relationship with me for 4, 3 & 2 years respectively.
That made me feel like shit….I spent 9 years of my life spent hoping to gain my “Mrs. degree” & find my happily ever after. Technically, 11 years because Mr. 4 years got 2 years of a faux relationship *rolls eyes*.
Celibacy, especially, taught me how to appreciate conversations with the opposite sex & how to identify the kind of man I want to invest in. The truth is a good girl & a good guy will not always be a good match. For example, my 2 year faux relationship evoked so much self loathing that I lost my identity & ability to love myself. One day I sat before my mirror crying because I thought I was too dark & fat & that he would never love me… I know I know I sound stupid as hell in retrospective but I was in a bad head-space because I was investing time in someone who refused to love me the way I wanted & deserved to be loved.
Being single & celibate lead me to find my happiness. Both allowed me to look within & fix what was causing me to be sad. I am nowhere near perfect or fully in control but it allowed me to become more spiritual, passionate and more adventurous. I missed a lot of life in those 11 years. I spent my 20’s “tied down” instead of living.
I found happiness I never knew existed thanks to singledom & celibacy and not the happiness that you fake to keep your friends & family at bay but real happiness. Being single & celibate forced me to find happiness inside.
When I am ready I know that I will find my life partner because I am in an emotional space where I will be able to accept his love & give him love. Until then I will continue to be Single. Celibate. Happy.
Cheers to the lovers & single people
shannydelioness.com 
Yas! Own that sh!t like a bad one!!
I relate to you soo much. I too am trying to write work that is more spontaneous because a structured blog is a boring blig but more than that I love that your accepting your self again, that you see that singledom and celibacy are necessary states to help with re connection and self love.
Yes. I do believe you will find Mr. Right girl. I do. #gotmetearingup #onsomemeagangooddevonfranklinsh!t
— Blessings
Thank you so much.
I was inspired to read this post by @drewkiercey. This is great. I am all for women who take ownership of their happiness and choose to take time for self love. I hope you keep up on the path to loving yourself!
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Could not agree with you more, thank you sharing. Wish more young girls can do this instead of settling just because of a “Title”. 🙂 Sending Love & Light your way.
Thank you so much